The kick inside

The RBS Six nations kicks off tomorrow and it seems an appropriate time therefore to put on record my experiences of playing the "wrong shaped" ball game.

I only really played rugby at school and only then at senior school, namely King Edward VI school in Southampton. King Edwards (or KES) only played three main sports, rugby in the winter, hockey in the spring and cricket in the summer.

So in the winter of 1971 I was introduced to the "joys" of rugger. Even as a 13 year old I was tall for my age and so I was put in the scrum either at prop forward or second row. Both of these positions involved "binding" with the rest of your scrum and then your scrum "engaged"with the oppositions. At this point the scrum half rolled the ball down the middle of the scrum and each team would then try to drag the ball back with their feet so that the ball could pop out the back and off out into play again.

This whole process involved a number of experiences for which I was completely and utterly unprepared. Firstly "binding" meant that you bent over and the person behind you similarly bent over and then attached themselves to you by putting one of their hands between your legs and then grabbing the front of your shorts. Now no one even remotely warned me on that one and anything in the general area of the front of your shorts could get grabbed! I never was and never will be comfortable with that requirement!

Then engaging with the other scrum meant heads together and then hands, fingers and knees were applied to any oriface you were faced with and the introduction of the ball was incidental in the extreme.

I learnt very very quickly that the scrum was not a place I wanted to be anywhere near! The solution was to learn one of two skills, kicking or throwing. Kicking meant you would be put at fly half, throwing meant you were put on the wing as at that time the winger threw the ball in at a line out. Neither of these positions involved being in the scrum (result) although in modern rugby as the hooker tends to do the throw in at a line out, only kicking would be an alternative today.

I very quickly learnt to kick the ball as far as I could. At any moment in a game if the ball was passed to me and I caught it (rare but not unheard of) before anyone could tackle me (physically assult me) I would kick the ball as hard and as far as I could. Then I mastered the throw in so standing on the wing hoping the ball would never reach me became another alternative.

I know I probably sound like a right wuss, but I was far from alone in my views. As to my achievements on the field, in four winters of rugby union I never scored a try (although I did once dive over the 22 yard line thinking it was the try line and jump up in celebration, only to realise my mistake as all around me fell about in uncontrolable laughter). Strangely, however the only time we played rugby league, I did score two tries, but at a grammar school in the south of England, we were only ever going to play league as an end of term jolly!!

Despite all of the above I do love watching the game from the safety of my armchair and will be there tomorrow as England beat the Ospreys.